If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing properly: On Fathers’ Advice.

/ Kirsten Macaitis

Something about fatherhood awakens the heart of the advice giver.

From the pun to the straight talk, from the dry humour to the analogy, this Father’s Day we acknowledge and give thanks for the advice – whether lessons hard won, clichés oft repeated, or earnest dreams to spare loved ones the pain of error.

When they’ve been perfectly timed, what a relief to be known and seen.

When their humour celebrates the in jokes and memories of family life, we tip our hats.

Even when it’s been given at an inopportune moment, or when advice wasn’t wanted, If it come from a selfish place, where the advice is more about ‘their stuff’ than your stuff,

we still acknowledge the intent to ‘make it better’.

I’m not a father. I will never be one. So I don’t come from a place of expertise on fatherhood. But I know what it has been to experience being fathered. And I liked it a lot.

I know that for many the story of their father or fathering is filled with regret, anger, lack, disappointment, comparison, abuse or pain. I’m so sorry if you’re missing your dad today, or if you’re grieving the relationship that it was(n’t).

But despite the brokenness or imperfections of all and any relationships, I wanted to take a minute to celebrate the fathers- and father figures- for their advice, and what they’ve brought to many of us in all the moments, both solicited and unsolicited.

Here’s my own father’s infamous efforts, shall we call them Lancisms:

“Sometimes you have to pay for convenience. And that’s ok”

Lancism #1

This advice was aimed predominantly as a counter balance for my mother, who would drive 10 kms out of the way to save 5c on petrol. she was that kinda woman. But I thank him for that reassurance when I feel badly about spending more on service station milk.

If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing properly.

Lancism #2

0 points for creativity, here, Lance. But I here you.

“Don’t ever eat spaghetti on a date.” (Unfortunately specific to Kirsten).

Lancism #3

The advice we receive can become family lore and heirlooms of knowledge, snippets that I’m personally especially grateful for now that my own Dad has passed.

There are of course countless others – here are some other gold fatherisms as suggested by you;

  • Health advice:
    • “Die quietly” (In response to coughing)
  • Anxiety advice:
    • “All will be well“
    • “Don’t sweat the small stuff. In the end, it’s all small stuff.”
  • Meeting/timing advice:
    • “We’re coming” “So’s Christmas”
  • Identity (and also diet) advice
    • “I’m hungry!” “Hi, Hungry.”
    • “Defences are down at night”
  • Cricket (also life) advice
    • “Always keep a straight bat
    • “Let some balls go through to the keeper”
  • Food/Drink Critic:
    • “Nectar of the Gods”
    • “Why would you go out to eat?”
  • Utility Bill advice:
    • “Were you born in a tent?”
  • Marriage/dating advice
    • “There’s a lid for every jar”

No doubt you’ve got your own Dadism, Dadvice, Fatherlore to add to the list – or if you are a Dad, cultivating your own dispensary of advice.

Whether coming from lost hopes or hard fought victories, just when you needed it or at the worst possible time,

Let us give thanks for the love that underpins the offering.

Let us have gratitude that we now know for the best route to take across town, the only way to pack a car, the way to save on power bills, how to participate in work well, the way to be generous in relationship, the perfect way to cook a steak.

Let us be thankful for them walking the way a little bit ahead, and shining a light on it.

To the Dads! Happy Father’s Day.

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