I don’t understand why people climb Mt. Everest. In some ways it’s obvious: a monumental challenge of the body’s limits, conquering the tallest mountain in the world. But I don't get it. Maybe it’s more accurate that I understand why people want to climb the tallest mountain in the world, but I think it’s a … Continue reading What is your Everest? And maybe, why you don’t need to climb it.
Something about fatherhood awakens the heart of the advice giver. From the pun to the straight talk, from the dry humour to the analogy, this Father's Day we acknowledge and give thanks for the advice - whether lessons hard won, clichés oft repeated, or earnest dreams to spare loved ones the pain of error. When … Continue reading If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing properly: On Fathers’ Advice.
The places you have walkedI consider holy groundAnd I will love the things you love despite my prior thoughts about – You in everything, Gang of Youths. In an album replete with songs reflecting his father’s passing, I was struck by David Le'aupepe's lyric. For me it speaks of a question that many of us … Continue reading Tradition: peer pressure from dead people?
It's a classic exchange between an expectant parent and an acquaintance: "Do you know what you're having?...Do you want a boy or a girl?" and we offer the refrain "As long as it's healthy!" ...But what if they're not? In so many - if not almost all - of these circumstances, this conversation is harmless. … Continue reading “As long as they’re healthy”: On when you don’t get the [parts of the] kid you wanted
Have you ever been in a situation when you're hearing something powerful, or learning a lesson, and thought to yourself; "I wish such and such were here to hear this!" Or likewise, when you observe someone's poor decision or reactions, and want to nail some truths to their door. Maybe we see relationships friends and … Continue reading When we want others to learn a lesson: Litmus tests for truth telling.
I was in a moment praying a while ago, asking for wisdom and guidance, and a weirdly specific and innocuous image came to mind: Insulation. Styrofoam peanuts. Bubble wrap. Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com Random, right? Perhaps not. For what does insulation do? Protects. Surrounds. Insulation keeps things safe. It stops breakage. It … Continue reading On insulation: When compartmentalisation hurts as much as it helps
My friend Eleanor is one of the most decisive people I know. In the time I've had the pleasure of calling her friend, I don't think I've ever seen her doubt herself, once. She knows what she wants in life, in meals, in relationships, in fashion choices, in her faith, and in her tile choice … Continue reading I don’t know what to call this post: Or, on a life of chronic indecisiveness.
In a recent session with my genius therapist she encouraged me to speak of what was making me angry. "Tell me one thing that's making you angry.""Just one thing?" I replied. (I'm funny, friends)."Start with one. We'll work our way from there." I then shared some aspects of anger (a particularly potent emotion for me). … Continue reading “I’m here while you’re in it”: On being accompanied when you’re at your worst.
My dear daughter got invited to go roller skating a few months back. I was excited for her; it was a chance for her to catch up with school mates during the holiday break, so I readily accepted the invitation on her behalf. Furthermore, I had fond memories of my own childhood, going to parties … Continue reading “But I don’t know how to roller skate!”: On when you have to lead/parent/adult beyond your own experience
One of the best things that I've done in my life is see a therapist. She has been instrumental in helping me navigate significant trauma and unhelpful - even destructive - learned responses in my life, giving me tools of reflection, honesty and growth to navigate conflict and challenges. Nevertheless, as much as this process … Continue reading “Why haven’t I learned this lesson by now!?” On when we seemingly struggle with the same things again – and again – and again.
Better With Pockets 